30 Day Giving Challenge - Week 2

The second week is an in between week in December. Too early to start giving big gifts, so I focused on spending time with the kids prepping. 

Day 8 - ornament exchange with my moms club (it still counts as giving when I receive too, right?)

Day 9- online donations through my employer's matching program

Day 10 - lip balm for my cleaning service

Day 11 - bake with the kids on a rainy day (giving quality time to them to prepare goodies to share with others)

Day 12 - gave myself a rest. I have been sick and needed a nap. 

Day 13 - hosted a belated birthday party for my mom at my house. 

Day 14 - gave energy to the youth Christmas pageant at church (rehearsals and coaxing my son to stand up and sing with the others).

I got a little creative on some days, but made up for it on others.  One thing this challenge has taught me is to look for little opportunities to give a smile or extra focus and time with my kids. 

30 Day Giving Challenge - week 1

This is my son’s 3rd holiday season and he has learned quickly what it is all about...presents!

On the other hand, I have been overwhelmed a little this holiday season trying to figure out what I am going to get all my loved ones and if we really need all this extra stuff?

So I decided to focus our family activities this month on “giving” rather than receiving.  There is joy in giving, especially when it brings joy to others.

For the first week of my giving challenge, I decided to focus on giving things that we do not need any more in our household.  There are a lot of charities that have extra drives during this time of year, so it is relatively easy to find an outlet for extra stuff, especially cold weather or holiday related.  Fortunately, my work sponsored several collection drives for different charities that I was able to help and participate in.  Our church also sponsored a group that gives gifts to Foster children.  Our family went shopping together to find new clothes for a 7 year old boy.

These are examples of how I gave, but you could find similar organizations nearby.  You can always donate unwanted stuff to Goodwill or another thrift store.

Day 1 - Blouse and pants for “Wardrobe for Opportunity” (helps poor or homeless with job training and interview clothes).  These clothes were a little fancier than I normally wear to work, so they were cluttering my closet.

Day 2 - Canned food for the local food bank.  Since we shop at Costco, we always have plenty of canned beans and soup that we can share with others.

Day 3 - Hats, coats and gloves for “One Warm Coat.”  The kids are constantly growing out of hats and coats, so this is a great way to get the unused clothes to people that need them.

Day 4 - Coloring books for toy drive (local Children’s hospital).  I sometimes have a pile of toys and coloring books that I keep for spontaneous birthday parties or rainy days.  Time to rotate it out.

Day 5 - White Elephant party at work.  I found some samples I had stashed from miscellaneous events (small champagne, coffee, mug) and purchased some cookies and candy to add to the mix.

Day 6 - Fundraiser for “Tree of Angels,” local group that provides gifts to kids in Foster care.

Day 7 - Clothes for Angel tree (at church).  We purchased new clothes for a 7 year old for the “Tree of Angels.”

Next week, I plan to focus on things I can do at home to give/share with others. 

What I learned at WE14 (Society of Women Engineers conference)

Last week I attended the Society of Women Engineers annual conference.  I have not been involved in the Society since college, so I was not sure what to expect.  I would like to share some key take aways. 

1.  There are some amazing women in STEM and they are all unique.  The college students that came around at our recruiting booth had phenomenal resumes and were very eloquent.  It made me wonder if I was that impressive as a graduating senior.  The booths themselves at the recruiting event were elaborate and it was cool to see what other engineers were doing.

There was a wide range of women that I heard speak.  Gwynne Shotwell, COO of SpaceX, admitted her lack of work life balance and her love of fashion (which led her to engineering, interestingly enough).  Her experience as a working mom was defined by being divorced with joint custody.  It goes to show you that everyone's story is different.

I also sat in on a panel of leaders speaking about Authentic Leadership.  I think this topic has been widely discussed recently and I think it helps individuals define who they are by what is important to them and what they want to accomplish.  Later in my career I have found companies that fit my values because I know the work I do will compliment my life goals. 

2.  After getting over the awe of those around me, I remembered I am one of these unique, intelligent women.  I also have something to share.  I attended sessions about STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) outreach to girls, as well as supporting working moms. I realized I have experiences that I can use to coach and share my story with others.  I can be a role model for girls, as well as those just starting their careers. 

3.  Finally, I started to think about the potential of all this knowledge and energy.  Together we can do amazing things. The amount of brainpower in that conference building was amazing. I can only imagine what we can accomplish together. SWE has an established history of supporting outreach programs for girls. I attended a Techbridge presentation, which is a non profit based in Oakland that has well defined and easy to access outreach programs. 

I think there is also a need (which is starting to be addressed more) to support STEM career women, especially when ramping on and off for various reasons.  None of us have the exact same situation, but we can share our experiences and coach other women to recognize there are choices for working moms and boomerang careers. 

All in all, it was invigorating to get out of the daily return and network with other technical women.  I am looking forward to getting more involved in SWE and science outreach events. 

Why is our life so hard?

Why is our life so hard?

This has been a question that keeps coming up at the dinner table, especially when my husband and I are wrestling our 3 year old to stay at the table and eat at least one bite of the food we rushed home to prepare.

Why is our life so hard?

I know this is a relative question. There are a lot of things that we are lucky to have (good jobs, health, running water, shelter), but raising young kids can still feel challenging and overwhelming.

The first step in making a change, is to create a vision.  So I did an exercise to envision our ideal life. What would life be like, without so many struggles?

First, we would get a full nights sleep.  We would be in bed and asleep by 10pm.  No midnight wakeups.  No early morning visitors, until the alarm went off.

Second, my son would be done potty training. No more dirty pull-ups. No more accidents to clean up.

Finally, we would enjoy quality time together in the mornings and evenings, when we were not at work.

Dinner would be easy to prepare and everyone would enjoy it.

I would have meaningful conversations with my husband during dinner, without anyone screaming or leaving the table.

Bedtime would follow the routine without arguments.

It does not seem like too much to ask for, so how do we get there?

Consistent routines and planning. And patience and flexibility when changes happen.

When I take the time to think about it and try to be in the moment, I realize we already have the key elements. We have a lot of great quality time, especially in the evenings and on weekends.  Most of the struggles are usually when something happens to break our routines.  

So it is time to keep our eyes on the prize (the vision) and get back into the ring to try again.

Brave girls

Being one of two women in my college engineering classes did not seem brave to me at the time. It was just following what I had interest in...math, science and making things.

Joining the Peace Corps did not seem brave to me.  I was just following an interest in travel and helping others.

When I was in Africa as a Peace Corps volunteer, I saw real bravery.

Brave girls attending school for as long as their families would support them, then rushing home to fetch water and help their mothers cook.

Brave girls studying by candle light after everyone was in bed and the chores were all done.

Brave girls getting up early to start the fire and walk 2 miles to school.

Brave girls studying hard to avoid the corruption of trading money or sex for grades.

Brave mothers, toiling in small farm plots with a baby on their back and selling produce in the market so that their kids could go to school.

As a teacher, I recognized their bravery and wondered how I could help these girls. My Peace Corps assignment was only two years.  I was not a revolutionary and I did not have enough money to give them all scholarships.  I came to realize that by being myself, I was a role model for them. I was a female teacher from America. I had more education than most of their other teachers. I came to school every day on time and sober (unlike other teachers). I challenged them to think about science, rather than just memorize phrases.  I carried myself with confidence and spoke to the other teachers as equals.  I was successful in their eyes.

It was then that I decided to practice the skills that God gave me. To practice science and engineering. To share my passion and love for science and technology. To coach my future children to question the world and think scientifically. To be a role model as a practicing engineer...for other girls and women...for my kids...and for those girls in Africa that were so brave.

I will never be as brave as those girls and mothers in Africa, but I can continue to use the gifts I was born with and live my authentic self, bravely.  

3 ways to make a Good Mistake

I have been reading about entrepeneurs recently and one common theme is their attitude toward mistakes.

Repeat after me:  Mistakes are a good thing.
Mistakes are how we learn.
Failure is not a four letter word (literally).
We may fail multiple times before we succeed.  And our success will be that much bigger because we learned so much along the way.

Don't get me wrong, we should not make mistakes on purpose, but we should not beat ourselves up so much when we make them.  As moms (and employees) we get caught up in the thought that we have to be perfect.  That there is no room for mistakes.  But most of the time what we stress about is not life threatening.

Sometimes we need to take a lesson from our kids.

1.  Make a mistake and try again
When your baby starts to walk, she might cry a little the first time she falls, but that does not stop her from trying to stand again.  Why do we give up after trying something once?  It is through our failures that we learn.

2.  Change the approach
Think about how your kids try to get something they want.  They will start out asking you.  If you say no, they go to dad.  As they get older, they may change the way they ask, to be more persuasive.  If that does not work they go to grandma.  If they fail, they are not afraid to ask multiple times and in the process they learn what works.  

3.  Celebrate the wins
My son is taking a basketball class.  Do you know how many times he throws the ball up in the air and completely misses the basket?  But when he does make it in the hoop, he is so proud he dances around the gym.  Appreciate that moment when you find a winning formula.  And it will feel even sweeter in contrast to some of your failures.

If we teach our kids anything it should be to accept failure and learn from it.  There will be mistakes and disappointments.  Learn from them, improve and refuse to give up. You will be more successful in the long run.  

Think about the scientific method. It is an iterative process of testing and forming a new hypothesis based on the results. 

Here are a couple failure areas that I am trying to learn from:

Cooking delicious meals - I am not going to give up on my quest to find meals my family enjoys that I can cook in 30 minutes.  Yes, I have all the cookbooks and Pinterest resources, but I need to practice, practice, pick myself up after a failed crockpot failure and practice again.

Exercise - I know I am not alone in this, but finding time to go for a walk, let alone go to the gym is challenging.  But I am not going to give up.  I am going to renew my effort to make this a priority and find a new approach to guard the time and the resolve to make this happen.  Newest idea - walk at lunch or while I am on a conference call.

Normal Day in my Life

I think I've talked about what normal is to me now that I am a working mom. This weekend after a 24 hour flu bug hit everyone except for my baby daughter, I am glad to be getting back to "normal."

So I wanted to document a Day in my Life for my current "normal."

A "normal" day in my life

I wake up at 4:31 when my daughter started screaming and crying. She is 7 months old and still not completely sleep trained. After half an hour of crying and rocking she finally goes back to sleep. I wake up at 6:18 when my 3 year old son crawls into my bed saying he is hungry for breakfast. It is a good thing because I forgot to set my alarm so who knows know what time I would've woken up. 

I go downstairs to prepare oatmeal for everyone and start emptying the dish washer.  After my son and I finish, I go upstairs to feed and dress the baby while my husband eats. I let her play on a blanket while I get dressed and prepped. Then I get my son dressed while my husband showers. 

After everyone is dressed, I finish making the baby's bottles for daycare (from frozen or pumped milk).  I make sure everyone has shoes, jacket and hat on and help load the kids in the car with my husband. He takes them to daycare and I finished packing my lunch.  On my way out, I check my schedule for work and realize I have an early morning meeting that I had not prepared for so I think about that on my drive to work. 

It takes me 30 minutes to drive to work. 

My day is mainly filled with conference calls and meetings with my team to talk about What they are going to talk about on conference calls. 

In between calls, I go to the "mothers room" to pump (once in morning and once in afternoon). 

Today I may work through lunch but sometimes I take a walk around the buildings, if I have time and remember my shoes. 

 After work it's my turn to pick up the kids so I try to leave early and drive to daycare.  When we get home and start dinner this is the most stressful part of the day for me because I'm trying to entertain a toddler and infant, while dealing with hot food.  Tonight I make pasta with store bought sauce and ground turkey I cooked on the weekend. I open a bag of salad mix for the side. 

My husband gets home just before it's time to eat so he helps me set the table and get the food on the table. After dinner we clear the dishes and have some family time. I read books and play puzzles with my son, while my infant crawls around and explores.

After an hour, we switch and my husband plays with the kids while I wash the dishes.  I also prep the bottles and thaw any meat for the next day. about 7:30pm it's time to start bathtime. my infant daughter is first, then I feed her and put her to bed. At 8:30, I wrestle my son upstairs to coax him into the bath (what is it with boys and wanting to stay dirty?).  

After reading two books with him, hopefully my son goes straight to sleep without getting up a million times.  Then I can check emails and talk to my husband about our days.  I then take a shower, pick out what to wear the next day and go to bed, hoping my daughter sleeps at least 4 hours. 

Before I know it, the alarm goes off again and I am back in the "normal" routine.