30 Day Giving Challenge - Week 2

The second week is an in between week in December. Too early to start giving big gifts, so I focused on spending time with the kids prepping. 

Day 8 - ornament exchange with my moms club (it still counts as giving when I receive too, right?)

Day 9- online donations through my employer's matching program

Day 10 - lip balm for my cleaning service

Day 11 - bake with the kids on a rainy day (giving quality time to them to prepare goodies to share with others)

Day 12 - gave myself a rest. I have been sick and needed a nap. 

Day 13 - hosted a belated birthday party for my mom at my house. 

Day 14 - gave energy to the youth Christmas pageant at church (rehearsals and coaxing my son to stand up and sing with the others).

I got a little creative on some days, but made up for it on others.  One thing this challenge has taught me is to look for little opportunities to give a smile or extra focus and time with my kids. 

30 Day Giving Challenge - week 1

This is my son’s 3rd holiday season and he has learned quickly what it is all about...presents!

On the other hand, I have been overwhelmed a little this holiday season trying to figure out what I am going to get all my loved ones and if we really need all this extra stuff?

So I decided to focus our family activities this month on “giving” rather than receiving.  There is joy in giving, especially when it brings joy to others.

For the first week of my giving challenge, I decided to focus on giving things that we do not need any more in our household.  There are a lot of charities that have extra drives during this time of year, so it is relatively easy to find an outlet for extra stuff, especially cold weather or holiday related.  Fortunately, my work sponsored several collection drives for different charities that I was able to help and participate in.  Our church also sponsored a group that gives gifts to Foster children.  Our family went shopping together to find new clothes for a 7 year old boy.

These are examples of how I gave, but you could find similar organizations nearby.  You can always donate unwanted stuff to Goodwill or another thrift store.

Day 1 - Blouse and pants for “Wardrobe for Opportunity” (helps poor or homeless with job training and interview clothes).  These clothes were a little fancier than I normally wear to work, so they were cluttering my closet.

Day 2 - Canned food for the local food bank.  Since we shop at Costco, we always have plenty of canned beans and soup that we can share with others.

Day 3 - Hats, coats and gloves for “One Warm Coat.”  The kids are constantly growing out of hats and coats, so this is a great way to get the unused clothes to people that need them.

Day 4 - Coloring books for toy drive (local Children’s hospital).  I sometimes have a pile of toys and coloring books that I keep for spontaneous birthday parties or rainy days.  Time to rotate it out.

Day 5 - White Elephant party at work.  I found some samples I had stashed from miscellaneous events (small champagne, coffee, mug) and purchased some cookies and candy to add to the mix.

Day 6 - Fundraiser for “Tree of Angels,” local group that provides gifts to kids in Foster care.

Day 7 - Clothes for Angel tree (at church).  We purchased new clothes for a 7 year old for the “Tree of Angels.”

Next week, I plan to focus on things I can do at home to give/share with others. 

What I learned at WE14 (Society of Women Engineers conference)

Last week I attended the Society of Women Engineers annual conference.  I have not been involved in the Society since college, so I was not sure what to expect.  I would like to share some key take aways. 

1.  There are some amazing women in STEM and they are all unique.  The college students that came around at our recruiting booth had phenomenal resumes and were very eloquent.  It made me wonder if I was that impressive as a graduating senior.  The booths themselves at the recruiting event were elaborate and it was cool to see what other engineers were doing.

There was a wide range of women that I heard speak.  Gwynne Shotwell, COO of SpaceX, admitted her lack of work life balance and her love of fashion (which led her to engineering, interestingly enough).  Her experience as a working mom was defined by being divorced with joint custody.  It goes to show you that everyone's story is different.

I also sat in on a panel of leaders speaking about Authentic Leadership.  I think this topic has been widely discussed recently and I think it helps individuals define who they are by what is important to them and what they want to accomplish.  Later in my career I have found companies that fit my values because I know the work I do will compliment my life goals. 

2.  After getting over the awe of those around me, I remembered I am one of these unique, intelligent women.  I also have something to share.  I attended sessions about STEM (science, technology, engineering and math) outreach to girls, as well as supporting working moms. I realized I have experiences that I can use to coach and share my story with others.  I can be a role model for girls, as well as those just starting their careers. 

3.  Finally, I started to think about the potential of all this knowledge and energy.  Together we can do amazing things. The amount of brainpower in that conference building was amazing. I can only imagine what we can accomplish together. SWE has an established history of supporting outreach programs for girls. I attended a Techbridge presentation, which is a non profit based in Oakland that has well defined and easy to access outreach programs. 

I think there is also a need (which is starting to be addressed more) to support STEM career women, especially when ramping on and off for various reasons.  None of us have the exact same situation, but we can share our experiences and coach other women to recognize there are choices for working moms and boomerang careers. 

All in all, it was invigorating to get out of the daily return and network with other technical women.  I am looking forward to getting more involved in SWE and science outreach events. 

Why is our life so hard?

Why is our life so hard?

This has been a question that keeps coming up at the dinner table, especially when my husband and I are wrestling our 3 year old to stay at the table and eat at least one bite of the food we rushed home to prepare.

Why is our life so hard?

I know this is a relative question. There are a lot of things that we are lucky to have (good jobs, health, running water, shelter), but raising young kids can still feel challenging and overwhelming.

The first step in making a change, is to create a vision.  So I did an exercise to envision our ideal life. What would life be like, without so many struggles?

First, we would get a full nights sleep.  We would be in bed and asleep by 10pm.  No midnight wakeups.  No early morning visitors, until the alarm went off.

Second, my son would be done potty training. No more dirty pull-ups. No more accidents to clean up.

Finally, we would enjoy quality time together in the mornings and evenings, when we were not at work.

Dinner would be easy to prepare and everyone would enjoy it.

I would have meaningful conversations with my husband during dinner, without anyone screaming or leaving the table.

Bedtime would follow the routine without arguments.

It does not seem like too much to ask for, so how do we get there?

Consistent routines and planning. And patience and flexibility when changes happen.

When I take the time to think about it and try to be in the moment, I realize we already have the key elements. We have a lot of great quality time, especially in the evenings and on weekends.  Most of the struggles are usually when something happens to break our routines.  

So it is time to keep our eyes on the prize (the vision) and get back into the ring to try again.

Brave girls

Being one of two women in my college engineering classes did not seem brave to me at the time. It was just following what I had interest in...math, science and making things.

Joining the Peace Corps did not seem brave to me.  I was just following an interest in travel and helping others.

When I was in Africa as a Peace Corps volunteer, I saw real bravery.

Brave girls attending school for as long as their families would support them, then rushing home to fetch water and help their mothers cook.

Brave girls studying by candle light after everyone was in bed and the chores were all done.

Brave girls getting up early to start the fire and walk 2 miles to school.

Brave girls studying hard to avoid the corruption of trading money or sex for grades.

Brave mothers, toiling in small farm plots with a baby on their back and selling produce in the market so that their kids could go to school.

As a teacher, I recognized their bravery and wondered how I could help these girls. My Peace Corps assignment was only two years.  I was not a revolutionary and I did not have enough money to give them all scholarships.  I came to realize that by being myself, I was a role model for them. I was a female teacher from America. I had more education than most of their other teachers. I came to school every day on time and sober (unlike other teachers). I challenged them to think about science, rather than just memorize phrases.  I carried myself with confidence and spoke to the other teachers as equals.  I was successful in their eyes.

It was then that I decided to practice the skills that God gave me. To practice science and engineering. To share my passion and love for science and technology. To coach my future children to question the world and think scientifically. To be a role model as a practicing engineer...for other girls and women...for my kids...and for those girls in Africa that were so brave.

I will never be as brave as those girls and mothers in Africa, but I can continue to use the gifts I was born with and live my authentic self, bravely.  

3 ways to make a Good Mistake

I have been reading about entrepeneurs recently and one common theme is their attitude toward mistakes.

Repeat after me:  Mistakes are a good thing.
Mistakes are how we learn.
Failure is not a four letter word (literally).
We may fail multiple times before we succeed.  And our success will be that much bigger because we learned so much along the way.

Don't get me wrong, we should not make mistakes on purpose, but we should not beat ourselves up so much when we make them.  As moms (and employees) we get caught up in the thought that we have to be perfect.  That there is no room for mistakes.  But most of the time what we stress about is not life threatening.

Sometimes we need to take a lesson from our kids.

1.  Make a mistake and try again
When your baby starts to walk, she might cry a little the first time she falls, but that does not stop her from trying to stand again.  Why do we give up after trying something once?  It is through our failures that we learn.

2.  Change the approach
Think about how your kids try to get something they want.  They will start out asking you.  If you say no, they go to dad.  As they get older, they may change the way they ask, to be more persuasive.  If that does not work they go to grandma.  If they fail, they are not afraid to ask multiple times and in the process they learn what works.  

3.  Celebrate the wins
My son is taking a basketball class.  Do you know how many times he throws the ball up in the air and completely misses the basket?  But when he does make it in the hoop, he is so proud he dances around the gym.  Appreciate that moment when you find a winning formula.  And it will feel even sweeter in contrast to some of your failures.

If we teach our kids anything it should be to accept failure and learn from it.  There will be mistakes and disappointments.  Learn from them, improve and refuse to give up. You will be more successful in the long run.  

Think about the scientific method. It is an iterative process of testing and forming a new hypothesis based on the results. 

Here are a couple failure areas that I am trying to learn from:

Cooking delicious meals - I am not going to give up on my quest to find meals my family enjoys that I can cook in 30 minutes.  Yes, I have all the cookbooks and Pinterest resources, but I need to practice, practice, pick myself up after a failed crockpot failure and practice again.

Exercise - I know I am not alone in this, but finding time to go for a walk, let alone go to the gym is challenging.  But I am not going to give up.  I am going to renew my effort to make this a priority and find a new approach to guard the time and the resolve to make this happen.  Newest idea - walk at lunch or while I am on a conference call.

Normal Day in my Life

I think I've talked about what normal is to me now that I am a working mom. This weekend after a 24 hour flu bug hit everyone except for my baby daughter, I am glad to be getting back to "normal."

So I wanted to document a Day in my Life for my current "normal."

A "normal" day in my life

I wake up at 4:31 when my daughter started screaming and crying. She is 7 months old and still not completely sleep trained. After half an hour of crying and rocking she finally goes back to sleep. I wake up at 6:18 when my 3 year old son crawls into my bed saying he is hungry for breakfast. It is a good thing because I forgot to set my alarm so who knows know what time I would've woken up. 

I go downstairs to prepare oatmeal for everyone and start emptying the dish washer.  After my son and I finish, I go upstairs to feed and dress the baby while my husband eats. I let her play on a blanket while I get dressed and prepped. Then I get my son dressed while my husband showers. 

After everyone is dressed, I finish making the baby's bottles for daycare (from frozen or pumped milk).  I make sure everyone has shoes, jacket and hat on and help load the kids in the car with my husband. He takes them to daycare and I finished packing my lunch.  On my way out, I check my schedule for work and realize I have an early morning meeting that I had not prepared for so I think about that on my drive to work. 

It takes me 30 minutes to drive to work. 

My day is mainly filled with conference calls and meetings with my team to talk about What they are going to talk about on conference calls. 

In between calls, I go to the "mothers room" to pump (once in morning and once in afternoon). 

Today I may work through lunch but sometimes I take a walk around the buildings, if I have time and remember my shoes. 

 After work it's my turn to pick up the kids so I try to leave early and drive to daycare.  When we get home and start dinner this is the most stressful part of the day for me because I'm trying to entertain a toddler and infant, while dealing with hot food.  Tonight I make pasta with store bought sauce and ground turkey I cooked on the weekend. I open a bag of salad mix for the side. 

My husband gets home just before it's time to eat so he helps me set the table and get the food on the table. After dinner we clear the dishes and have some family time. I read books and play puzzles with my son, while my infant crawls around and explores.

After an hour, we switch and my husband plays with the kids while I wash the dishes.  I also prep the bottles and thaw any meat for the next day. about 7:30pm it's time to start bathtime. my infant daughter is first, then I feed her and put her to bed. At 8:30, I wrestle my son upstairs to coax him into the bath (what is it with boys and wanting to stay dirty?).  

After reading two books with him, hopefully my son goes straight to sleep without getting up a million times.  Then I can check emails and talk to my husband about our days.  I then take a shower, pick out what to wear the next day and go to bed, hoping my daughter sleeps at least 4 hours. 

Before I know it, the alarm goes off again and I am back in the "normal" routine. 

Letter to my Daughter

Dear baby girl,

Right now, you are exploring the world and testing your boundaries.  You are slowly learning the rules (both physical and mental) that bring order to our lives.  I hope that you also learn that you do not always have to follow the rules.  Part of growing up is learning the rules and gaining the confidence to make your own decisions. You can do whatever you want to do...there are consequences either way.

This is sometimes hard for me because I am a rule follower.  Looking back, I have made mistakes when I followed the rules and did not trust my instincts.  I have been known to get caught up in the letter of the law, rather than the spirit of the law. The fear of not being accepted can overpower my gut reaction.

Sometimes I get it right and make brave choices.  I studied Engineering because I liked math and science.  I did not care that I was only 1 of 2 women in my classes.  After college I had a successful career, but I was disappointed by the career path, so I quit and joined the Peace Corps.  As a teacher in Africa, I learned a lot and felt more appreciated.

Sometimes I get caught up in the rules and others’ perceptions.  I let others make decisions, because I thought they were stronger or knew better.  I do not speak up when others were gossiping or making fun of another group.  I felt different and I felt alone.  When I did not share my opinion, I was not being true to myself and I was not being authentic to the world around me.  That is usually when I take a step back and make a new plan to start fresh.

Like me, you are going to make mistakes.  This is part of being human.    When you do, learn from them and move on.  Give yourself grace and know that God made you just the way you are.  Trust your inner voice and share your unique perspective.  Your choices will be hard at times, but bravery is making your own choices and trusting your instincts regardless of the status quo.

You are not alone.  There are others struggling with similar decisions.  Know that your friends and family are here to support you.  

I hope that I have been a brave role model for you and your brother.  I hope that I have trusted you enough to allow you to be brave.  I look forward to seeing your bravery as you make your own impression on the world.  

Love,

Your Mom

Golden rule of organizing

No matter how neat you are or how you control your chaos, the Golden rule of organizing remains the same:

1.  Get rid of stuff!

In general I try to practice the 1 in, 1 out rule. I keep a box to collect donations so when we buy new clothes or toys I am ready to get rid of something.

I recently helped out at a rummage sale. I donated a box of clothes and a cradle, but after spending 3 hours helping out, I came home with 3 bags and a baby walker.  Looks like I need to get rid of more clothes.

One of the other hard parts for me are all those little toys and stickers my kids get in goodie bags or from friends. They are cheap and get lost or broken quickly. 

I try to throw them out within 48 hours, after my son forgets about them.  But sometimes they get tucked away to take up space in the toy box or closet. 

When you get overwhelmed, remember that every organizing system (including my favorite, 5S) starts with getting rid of stuff. 

The less stuff you have, the easier it is to organize. The easier it is to find a place for everything. And the easier it is to clean (because there is less to clean and you can reach all the surfaces).

Start small and collect a few things to get rid of every day. Then, when you have more time, you can organize the things you really want to keep.  

Here are some ideas that I intend to tackle this week:

- purse

- counter

- desktop

- clutter drawer

- bookshelves

- toy box

Science experiment - magic balloon

Here's a quick and fun experiment I recently did with my son. 

Pour 4 Tbs vinegar in a bottle

Put 2 Tbs baking soda in balloon (easiest to use a funnel). 

Put balloon over top of bottle and shake soda into vinegar. Watch it foam as gas is released and fills up the balloon. 

I used a glass bottle (I only had a beer bottle in my recycling bin), but a plastic water bottle works too. 

We talked about gases and chemical reactions. Of course, as kids get older you can get more in depth on "why."  My 3 year old was impressed with the visual and was quick enough that he was not bored. 

I love science!

Stitchfix review - my personal online shopper

As you know, I am an engineer. I am a left brained thinker. I can be creative when problem solving, but I do not consider myself an artist nor skilled in aesthetics. My priority is function over form. 

So I am not a big fan of shopping. I do not trust myself to identify stylish clothes and it frustrates me when I spend time without finding anything I want. Plus, I have no time to shop for myself, now that I have young kids. My time is very precious now. 

Then I heard about Stitchfix. It's a service that has personal shoppers that send you clothes, based on a style survey. You get to try them on and send back what you don't want, without shipping charges. You pay $20 per shipment which is applied to any purchases you make. 

Why not try it, right?

I got my first shipment this week. It is always so exciting to get a package !

I asked for spring/summer wear that I could also wear to work (business casual). 

I got Capri jeans, two blouses, a jacket and a maxi dress. 

I have been looking for a maxi dress and this one fit well, but the solid color seemed plain. Maybe I just need accessories. 

The blouses were nice, but not the right cut for me. A little tight in the shoulders. 

The jacket was way too tight in the shoulders, but I like the idea of a non-suit jacket to dress up an outfit. 

I love the Capri jeans. They fit just right and make me look trendier than I actually am. I will keep them. 

So I think I will try it again. What do I have to lose?  $20?  I can bring my lunch a couple extra days and look more stylish. 

If you want to try, here is my referral link.  Be warned that they are overloaded, so your first fix may not be sent for a couple months. 

http://stitchfix.com/sign_up?referrer_id=3613346

Quality time

How do you ensure quality time with your family?

I have been keeping myself busy lately, which makes me feel like I am accomplishing something, but I noticed my son getting clingy.  I realized I have not been giving him as much attention.  I would bring him with me on errands, but not give my focus to him and things he wants to do.

It does not help that if my baby girl is hungry, feeding her takes priority over my son. 

So I decided I need to try to schedule in one on one time with each of my children, as well as my husband. I schedule the rest of my day at work, why not at home?  Plus, I figure there should be an added bonus of consistency and routine, which kids need. 

One of the challenges is to not get fanatical and let the guilt take over. It is easy to try to squeeze in as many meaningful  activities as possible in the few hours when your kids are awake in the evening. 

In reality, I have heard that only 15-30 min of dedicated/focused time between child and parent is sufficient (I will have to double check my source).  That seems like a very manageable amount of time to unplug from technology and multitasking. 

My problem is not so much the technology distractions (I wait until I am in bed to check my email), but the multitasking. I am constantly trying to pick up or reorganize or get a load of laundry in. I tend to try to do one more task before I turn my full attention on my kids. I also try to bring one child with me on errands, so that my husband is not overwhelmed with both for too long. 

I noticed when I brought my son on errands, it took him out of his comfort zone and routine. It was harder to put him to bed. But, if I spent some time reading with him (without the baby on my lap) he was calmer and more compliant at bed time. So, I have learned that bringing the kids on errands is ok, but does not count as quality time. 

It does not work out every day, but I am trying to give each of my kids one on one time each evening. I think it is helpful for all of us. 

Now to figure how to get the dishes, laundry and cleanup done every day. More to come on time management. 

Day off priorities

I recently took a day off to attend a school brunch and try to get some things done around the house in the afternoon.

The morning was nice and relaxing, as I networked with other moms. For the afternoon, I had a long list of what I wanted to accomplish, so I set right out to shop for groceries. After hitting both the Club store and the grocery store, I came home to prep freezer meals. I packed 4 freezer meals, plus got dinner ready, but that is about when my husband came home. 

Overall, I guess it was a successful day. I got a weeks worth of meals prepped, but I did not make much of a dent in the rest of my list. 

It also made me wonder, is my time best served by meal prep?  Or should I pay for a service and use my time more productively?

I have tried pre-made meals, like Super Suppers or Dream Dinners before, but they still take time to cook. Plus they are not always as healthy as the food I would cook from scratch. 

For now, I plan to follow a mix of approaches. I will but some pre-made meals and take time every month to do my own frozen meal prep.

5/5/14  A month later, I tried taking a day off again.
This time, I got the house vacuumed, 4 loads of laundry and the dishes done.  At first thought, it seems like a waste to use a day off to clean the house, but since I want to spend time with my family on the weekends, it might be a good way to balance the house work.

What would you do with a day off?

Lists

A friend just started a blog with 100 things she wanted to accomplish in 1001 days. This inspired me to update my life list. I used to have a "pre-baby" list, but now my lists tend to focus on the kids.

  I did manage to put together a list of things I want to try. I tried to limit it, but ended up with 20 categories that I want to try at least 10 new experiences in this year (starting summer 2014).  I will keep you updated how I do. 

My 10 x 20 list

1.  New family traditions

2.  Kids crafts

3.  Science experiments at home

4.  Unique dates

5.  Reach out to old friends

6.  Entertain guests

7.  Prepare new meals

8.  Try new workout

9.  Green improvements

10.  Read books

11.  Acts of kindness

12.  Boxes ofdonation a 

13.  Blog or online publishing

14.  Community event involvement

15.  Financial action

16.  New local restaurant

17.  New museum or children's event

18.  Festivals

19.  Family out of town trips

20.  New park/playground 

Kid science - snow

Being on the west coast, I do not have the regular opportunity in winter to teach my kids about snow. In fact, the closest we got last year was when the plum trees were blooming and we shook them to watch the white petals fall like "snow."

So this weekend we went to the mountains to experience the real deal. Fortunately, it was right after a big storm, so we found a patch of ankle deep (knee deep for my toddler) fresh powder to play in. Snow is a great sensory experience and hard to recreate at home. 

On the way home, when it started to rain by our house, we talked about the difference between snow and rain. They both come from clouds, but they act different.  One is colder than the other, why?

Next up, I am going to study up on clouds so we can practice naming the different kinds and what they indicate about the weather. 

Isn't science fun?

Smart girl

Now that I have a daughter, I have become more aware of the words used to describe girls vs boys. It is hard to find baby girl clothing that is not pink, let alone a message that does not contain "cute" "pretty," or "sweet."

Not that I do not want my daughter to be beautiful, but I DO want her to be recognized for other traits, like intelligence, leadership and ability to problem solve. 

It is really hard not to tell a baby that she/he is cute, male or female, but I am trying to supplement that with other compliments too. "What a smart girl."  "Great coordination with that rattle."  "Excellent perseverance trying to roll over."

As she grows, I hope I am able to continue to focus on her skills and accomplishments and override all the pretty, pretty princess messages. 

Quick meal review (1/18/14)

(Note this was posted late, but still relevant as I struggle for quick meals).

As I count down the weeks until I return to work (3 weeks), I am getting more concerned about getting healthy dinners prepared for my family at night. Even now, it is hard to get ready. The baby wants to feed at about the same time my toddler and husband get home. I am frantically giving final cooking instructions while balancing the baby and as the toddler hovers around us. 

So I am doggedly searching for recipes that I can either make quickly, make ahead or use the crockpot. 

Here are one weeks results:

Sunday - Ravioli (frozen) with bottled pasta sauce - this is a quick one and I can saute any vegetables that may be on hand (broccoli, eggplant, mushrooms, zucchini).

Monday - Quick and easy mac and cheese with broccoli, from Cooking Light magazine - this is the best and quickest Mac and cheese recipe I have found so far. Will definitely be moving it into weekly rotation.  Note:  I did not include the 1 slice cooked bacon in the milk mixture, which probably makes it even richer. 

Cook pasta (8 oz) and add broccoli (2c) during last 1 minute. Heat a mixture of 1.5c 1% milk, 2Tbl flour, 1tsp fresh thyme (I used dried), 2tsp Dijon mustard, 2tsp Worcestershire, 1/8tsp salt and crumbled cooked bacon slice.  Bring to a boil, cook 1 minute, stirring frequently.  Stir in 1cup shredded cheddar cheese. Add cheese sauce to drained pasta and broccoli. 

Tuesday - One pot veggie curry rice - this is one of my go to meals I learned in the Peace Corps. I use any vegetables lying around, frozen peas, tablespoon curry powder and 2 cups rice. Add water according to rice directions and simmer for 30-45 minutes. This is better if I am working from home and can start the simmering before everyone else gets home.  Will need salt and pepper to taste. My husband adds hot sauce.

Wednesday - Broccoli beef with bottled Teriyaki sauce - I am not usually a big beef fan, but it ads protein to a veggie stir fry. I buy the stir fry beef packet and a branded teriyaki sauce that has extra seasonings included. Serve over Quinoa and the prep and cook is less than 30 minutes.

Thursday - chicken fajitas

This is one of our go to meals, as long as you have some defrosted chicken. Diced chicken can be cooked rather quickly. Then heat up beans and tortillas and you are ready to go. Sautéed onions and peppers are a nice touch and avocados, if you have them around. 

Friday - leftovers

Return to work - success

This week I returned to work full time after being off for 4 months on maternity leave. (Note:  I actually posted this late.  It has been a busy couple weeks since I started back to work).

Hardest parts:

Getting ready in the morning. 

Picking my kids up and realizing how much I miss their sweet faces. 

Cooking anything with nutritional value (I at least got salad and steamed broccoli out for most meals, but the mains were mostly boxed or frozen). 

Not having a nap.

Highlights:

Getting back into a routine and realizing I can do this. 

Having the freedom at work to eat and use the bathroom whenever I want.
Using my brain for something other than toddler games and meal prep.

Getting some exercise without pushing a stroller (walks or using the gym at lunch).

So now it is 3 weeks back to work and my family and I are surviving.  I have to admit, I am already ready for a vacation...with babysitters.  But I am not ready to quit.  I am a working mom for now. 

I love science!

After returning to work a couple weeks ago, I feel so energized to be using my brain again.  Don't get me wrong, trying to figure out what to cook with 4 hours sleep and an empty fridge is a challenge, but after several months on maternity leave l am ready for a more intellectual puzzle. 

This week I have had several opportunities to practice my mental capacity. First, I went to a meeting with PhD chemists. The conversation was mostly over my head, but it got me thinking and wanting to refresh my chemistry knowledge. 

Then I went to a presentation of cutting edge packaging technology and debated potential applications for unique films and bottles. 

In addition to getting my technical and creative juices flowing, it reminded me how much I love science and learning and how I want to pass that along to my kids.  I am all ready to do some science experiments with them this weekend!

Who else loves science?  Have some ideas for toddler science games?

Busy momma

I have come to the conclusion that I am most happy when I am busy. 

After talking with some others, I think the happiness comes from finding time to do things that bring me joy and give me energy. If I schedule the "fun" things, everything else gets scheduled in between. It's like the principle of doing first things first. 

One big caveat.  I am aware that my time is limited and I have been known to over schedule myself, so I need to continue to evaluate my schedule and commitments and pull back the reigns if necessary. My husband usually helps with that when it starts to get too crazy. 

So for now, I have some side projects at work and I am helping plan fundraisers for the Relay for Life in my community to support the American Cancer Society. As long as we can still get family time activities on the weekend, things are stable...and I keep busy. 

When do we talk? My challenge communicating with my spouse.

When you have kids, the days are busy. Even more so when you have two. My husband and I are finding that we spend most of our time at home entertaining our toddler or rocking our newborn. By the time they go to bed, we are so exhausted, we hardly have enough brain power to get ourselves ready for bed, let alone have an intellectual discussion. 

So when do we talk about the important things like family finances, discipline and careers?

It used to be during mealtimes, but now, even if the subject matter and debate were appropriate for our 3 year old, we get distracted by trying to get him to eat and/or stay sitting at the table. 

Mornings are a time sensitive challenge getting everyone fed and dressed. 

Evenings are spent soaking up quality time with our kids, since we both work fill time. 

The best time so far has been in the car driving to the park or a weekend outing. 

Here are some new habits I adopted to try to facilitate and promote discussions:

1.  I started making a list of topics I want to discuss. Everything from weekend activities to current events. Geeky, I know, but I use it to prompt discussions when we have time (like driving to the park ). 

2.  I use email to ask questions or request a certain topic be discussed, in case I forget later. 

3.  If it needs to be decided before the weekend, I bring it up right away.  My husband does not like surprises and we both like to be involved in planning the schedule. 

4.  Plan a date night to discuss key topics, like financial plans and potential career changes. Guess what, tax season is upon is and that always prompts some discussion. 

We are still working on carving out time.  Both for these discussions and for ourselves. 

I just want to feel "normal"

What does normal mean to me?

Waking up and going for a run without having to feed and dress everyone else first. 

Having a leisurely meal (any meal) without worrying about what the kids are or are not eating. 

Having dessert without worrying about creating a bad habit with my kids. 

Pampering myself (pedicure or massage) without worrying about getting home to feed or cook dinner. 

1.  I know the time will come when my kids are older and we can get babysitters to allow these types of outings. 

2. I can accept that this is no longer normal and appreciate when these opportunities come up.  If they are a high priority for me, there may be ways to make it happen more frequently.

3.  I can take mini breaks (a piece of chocolate or hot shower) to give myself a treat.  Savor those quiet times. 

4.  Accept help when offered.  We just got back from vacation visiting family and I did get to cross some of these off my list.

5.  Communicate with your partner.  If my husband knows that a run or workout is really important to me to relieve stress, he can help out to make it happen.  Or give me that extra push to actually make it happen. 

Momma needs to take care of herself too, so finding quiet time to rejuvenate yourself is important. Although it feels like everyone elses needs come first, I find myself more relaxed and positive when I am able to take a little mommy break. 

Any suggestions to get through the early months/years without losing oneself? 

3 Lessons I've learned about Child Care

First off, I want to state that this is just my experience and not intended to be guidelines or rules for anyone else.  Child care is one of the most difficult decisions for any parent and should be evaluated based on your personal principles and your kids experience.  Everyone's situation is different.

We recently moved my son to a new preschool while I was on maternity leave. It was closer to our house, had a challenging academic curriculum and was cheaper than the old preschool. Seemed ideal at the time. Needless to say, we ended up moving him back to the original daycare when I went back to work. 

1.  Trust your instincts

At the new school, it felt chaotic no matter when I dropped off or picked up. I understand there are busy times, but that should be the exception, not the rule. 

Although I liked the curriculum at the new school, they did not have much structure outside the 2 academic hours of the day. In the end, it was hard to explain, but it did not feel right. 

2.  Trust your child

My son is a pretty easy going guy. He loves to read and play and is usually excited to go to school. When he started to resist getting his shoes on and break down before we left the house, I knew something was wrong. 

3.  Being a stay at home mom is HARD!

During my maternity leave, my son only attended preschool part time, so I could spend more time with him. I give stay at home moms a lot of respect because it is not easy. Not only do you have to figure out your own plan for the day, you are also coordinating your kids day. Toddlers have a very short attention span, so you have to have several back up plans. You hope the kids nap at the same time so you can get something done (laundry, dishes, dinner). I still wasn't able to clean any of my house, so I do not know how anyone does that. 

Task builders

I recently saw a segment on leanin.org about combining tasks to boost effectiveness (multipliers), rather than multitasking. The idea is to combine tasks so that you can be effective in both of them, rather than not being fully present for either when you multitask. 

The best examples I have for moms are the following (I have actually used some of these):

1.  Workout and bond with your spouse by going on a walk or run together  (this is a great time to have serious discussions too, while the kids are strapped in and dozing in the stroller).  Plus you both feel better afterwards. 

2.  Connect with friends at a play date or lunch. 

I have a habit of getting sucked into focusing on my kids and neglecting my old relationships (friends, etc). I am trying to reach out to friends more frequently so that I can continue to nurture those relationships, as well as get some adult interaction. 

3.  Call friends while you fold laundry (if kids are napping). 

4.  Strength training while watching tv. 

When I go back to work, I will not be watching tv anymore, so I will need to find another time to stretch and do crunches. 

Any other suggestions?