Gender roles in your family

How do you pass on ideas of gender roles and responsibilities to your kids?  Media and peers will influence, but the example you set in your own household sets the stage and expectation for your kids. 

Both my husband and I work full time and we take turns dropping and picking up our son from daycare.  We tag team playing with him in the evening while the other person washes dishes or checks email.  When he is sick, we try to switch days that we stay home with him. 

I have noticed that my son often mention his stuffed animals relying on their dad, while mom is at work. When reading a Llama Llama book, he asked where the dad was, while mom was running all the errands. By modeling gender equity as parents and providers, we can help reset the cultural expectation for our kids. I am not advocating that moms have to work, but just knowing that is a normal option changes the dynamic. 

One of the principles Cheryl Sandberg mentions in her book, "Lean In," is to make your partner a partner.  In order to support both careers, you need to share responsibilities in the home as well. 

I have to admit it is still not always even in our household. I usually plan the meals, shop and cook. Not so much because I am the only one capable, but because I take the initiative before my husband does.  If we planned it out ahead of time, we could organize a more balanced system. 

So that is one of my challenges this year, to be a role model (along with my husband) of balanced responsibility in the household. 

Tech toys for girls

I recently went shopping for birthday gifts for my sons friends and was overwhelmed by the lack of creativity in toys on the general market.

1.  They were all branded (Disney, super heroes, cartoons). 

2.  The girl toys were all pink and related to princesses and fairies. 

In general, I felt disappointed. I would not buy these toys for my own child, why should I buy them for someone else's?

I especially struggled in the "girl" aisle, surrounded by princesses and dolls. I am expecting a baby girl in a month and I do not want to limit her to dolls. I want to give something more tactile or a "doll" that sends a different message.

So here are some ideas for "girl" toys:

• Why not a line of career women?  They could play "work" instead of "house". 
• I recently read an article on fostering creativity in kids:  blocks, puzzles, dress up and crafts were all on the list. 
• One item I was surprised to find on this "creativity" list was gears.  I found a novel girl toy, designed by women: "GoldieBlox", that involves gears and ribbons. 

I hope that there are more options for my daughter when she gets old enough for these types of toys. 

What other ideas have you seen or heard about?

Using the Scientific Method with kids

I have been thinking about how my son is exploring the world and what types of tools can help his journey.

One process that I believe works well in the scientific community is the Scientific Method. Why not use this structure to help our kids explore their world?

I know it sounds geeky, but if anything, it gives a framework and language we can relate to, when talking about the learning process. 

Scientific Method:

1.  Create Hypothesis

2.  Test/Experiment

3.  Analyze results

4.  Form Conclusion

1.  Hypothesizing is about questioning the world and thinking about "why". Not only is it important for us to answer our child's questions, but also challenge what they think.  

One of my first memories of teaching in Africa during my Peace Corps service was asking my high school students why they thought bread molded. At first, they only gave me blank stares. They were used to rote memorization and rarely asked open ended questions. By mid-year, some of them got used to my teaching style and even came up with their own experiments. 

"What do you think?" Is a great question to challenge your child and let them know you are interested in their thoughts and opinions. 

2.  Childhood is all about testing the world around you. Babies start by putting things  in their mouth.  Once they are more mobile they use their fingers. Toddlers start to test Boundaries.  Give your kids opportunities to test the world around them (in a controlled manner).  Sensory play is popular right now (playing with beans, sand, beads, different shapes, etc).  Talking walks and observing nature is also useful.

There are also lots of ideas for creative play on patenting websites and Pinterest. I especially like blocks, crafts, puzzles and dress up games. 

3.  Analyzing results is where I think parents can help the most. There is a lot of data out in the world and it is difficult to make sense of it sometimes, even for adults.  Helping children identify what is significant and important will help them make consistent decisions.  

4.  Conclusions are thoughts that parents can help provoke. After conducting an experiment (sensory play, nature observations, etc), ask them about what they observed and learned.  The "what do you think?" question is useful for this phase as well. 

In the end, your children will continue to explore and process the world around them. All we can do is help them along the way. And share our passions, especially for math and science. 

Why I chose Engineering

I grew up in the generation when our parents told us we could be whoever we wanted to be.  I was not afraid to ask questions or raise my hand.  I expected to go to college because that is what my parents did. My mother had a Bachelor's degree, even though she was a stay at home mom.

I liked school, especially math and science. It helped that I was good at it, which probably fueled my enjoyment of both subjects.  My interest in engineering really started with my childhood dream to design amusement park rides. Since my first trip to Disneyland, I decided I wanted to be involved in making an experience that entertained people like that. I was not great at art, but I liked to build. If there were Maker-Fairs in the 80's, I would have totally been there. Instead, 4H and Girl Scouts were my base of encouragement. 

In high school, I attended a Society of Women Engineers (SWE) event for high schoolers at the local college and that is where I was hooked. I do not remember what exactly we did, but I remember it was all fun and it was called "engineering."  I was already a nerd and involved in all the Science and Math competitions, so this seemed like a logical area of focus.

When applying to college, I specifically looked at schools with engineering programs. I chose Harvey Mudd College, which focused on math, science and engineering.  The low female to male ratios did not deter me and became more of a badge of honor.  In my classes, the atmosphere was collaborative and supportive, regardless of gender.

I continued to enjoy the hands on aspect of engineering and focused on the most tangible (in my opinion), Mechanical. I decided I wanted to be involved in building things that touched every day lives, which led me to consumer products manufacturing.

I have to admit, that the manufacturing world was less collaborative and supportive than academia.  I felt like I had to prove my abilities and intelligence before gaining respect.  I often had a different manner of communicating and empathizing than my male counterparts.  Although sometimes more effective, new techniques are always looked at with skepticism.  But I continued to learn and demonstrate my skills and have continued in manufacturing, design and process improvement.

I have heard that recently, the number of women studying STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math) subjects, especially computer science, has flattened in recent years.  More interesting to me, is that there are less women working in STEM industries.  Looking back at the reasons that we chose these subjects to study and work in, what can we learn and pass on to the next generations?

Transitions

Transitions are changes, sometimes planned, but not always in our control.  There are a lot of transitions in my household right now, as we just welcomed a new baby into the world. My husband and I are transitioning into parenting two kids and my toddler is transitioning into being a big brother, with someone new to share the attention. 

In the midst of these changes, there are days I am overwhelmed and it is hard to remember any light at the end of the tunnel. 

When dealing with change, I suggest thinking about the Past, Present, and Future.

Just like the Christmas Carol story, being able to think about these time periods will help you gain perspective. 

Past

Although you do not want to dwell on the past and how easy everything was before.  Instead, you can reflect on Past accomplishments. 

When life seems especially hard, remember some of the big things you have accomplished and already overcome. This helps me gain perspective. When thinking of past accomplishments, I remember how strong and resilient I am. 

When running my first (and only) marathon, during the last mile, I told myself that this was nothing compared to labor. Knowing I had endured pain and fatigue before helped me power through to complete 26.2 miles. 

Preserve good memories and Learn from mistakes. 

Present

Be present. Enjoy the positives. 

Even if the moment is painful, focus on the little things that you will look back on.  

During sleepless nights with my newborn, I focus on her tiny face and features. I know she will not be this small forever, so I need to soak it in now. 

Be patient, especially with yourself. 

The challenges of the changes may seem overwhelming and you may not recognize your progress. Take a step back when you get frustrated and recognize how much you have accomplished and how far you have come. Currently, I feel like I have made no progress on getting my baby to sleep through the night, but then I remember it has only been 3 weeks. 

Plan for the future 

You can not control the outcome of your change or transition, but you can prepare.  

Part of that is preparing yourself to be flexible.  As much as we plan, we do not always get the expected results, especially with kids. As situations change, you can alter your plan and try something different. 

Life is a journey, so our job is to learn, grow and help others along the way. 

Our toddler has recently had several major transitions. He is a big brother and we are in the midst of potty training. Not an ideal combo, I know. So how can I use this advice for his situation?

1.  Use the example if his baby sister to remind him of the things he could not do before, but now he can as a big boy. 

2.  Talk about the importance of being a big brother and how he can demonstrate that. 

3.  Use positive rewards for "big boy" and "big brother" behavior...using the potty, setting the table, clearing his plate, picking up his toys/books. 

Ok, so I am still in the midst of this experiment, but I will let you know how it goes.