Mom affirmations - untidy house guilt

I was over at a single friends house recently and secretly jealous of how neat and tidy their house was. I lamented that my house never was so orderly.
Then I remembered that I am not the only one in my house. Its hard to remember, but when I was single, my bed was usually made and items were put back in their "proper" place.

I understand that I will not be able to control everyone in my house and I can not follow everyone around constantly. But maybe I can designate one or two small areas that are my organized spots. Like the laundry room and/or my makeup cabinet. Instead of worrying about every area every day, I can focus on keeping my areas tidy.

In the end, I recognize that I have some things my single friends do not. They have a clean house and I have my cluttered toy room and tidy makeup drawer.

Find your Community

Nature has made us resilient creatures, but when faced with major changes or adversity, I am reminded of the importance of community.

Although I wish I could do it all, (have successful full time job, spend quality time with my family and run a healthy household), that is not realistic without help.
If we look to history, communities used to be more like family. Women helped each other through pregnancy and raising their children. Neighbors helped those in need.

Now we have developed into a society where children move away from family and are isolated in individual homes. We often work a distance from our homes and we like to keep those parts of our lives separate. That results in us being separated from our natural support network and spending a majority of our waking hours with coworkers that know nothing of our home life.

So how do we keep from getting isolated when we are faced with change and challenges?
I have heard that when faced with crisis (like a natural disaster) women are the first to adapt by building networks and communities.

Here are some effective ways I have seen to build and maintain your network:

1. ReConnect with family and friends
Technology makes this even easier. We are all familiar with social media, like Facebook and Twitter, but even email is not as personal as face to face. We use Skype a lot to talk to family. It helps for us to see facial expressions and allows family to watch our son grow.
The best option is seeing your family and friends in person. I have a New Years goal to host a dinner for friends or family at least once a month.
And do not forget family reunions and celebration events. Although you might not agree with your relatives on politics, you may be able to agree that grandma made the best chocolate chip cookies.

2. Meet your neighbors
When you have kids, the easiest place to meet other parents is on the Playground. Even if you do not know them well, you can usually swap kid stories, especially if their kids are in the same age range.
Meeting my neighbors takes a little more extroversion than my husband and I naturally have, so if you are like us, look for opportunities when others organize something (block party, neighborhood night out, etc) to participate.

3. Special interest groups
Look for organizations where you have something in common. Examples: Alumni, hobbies, church, parents groups. Local parents groups are especially good for new parents to connect with others in similar situations. I do admit it is difficult to find active working mother groups, since we do not usually have a lot of extra time. The ones I have seen work planned family activities.
You can usually search on the web for these type of organizations or use Meetup.com.

4. Volunteer
Volunteering is an excellent way to give back and get involved in your community. It makes you feel good and you can meet others with similar values.
One challenge I am struggling with is finding an activity/organization that I can help, without taking time away from my family. I have been investigating options near my work, as well as activities that include kids. Let me know if you have ideas.

In the end, remember that you are not alone. There are many friends, family and others in similar situations that are willing to help you, you just have to reach out.

Meal Planning basics

Meal planning is an important part of being prepared for the week. It not only saves time on a daily basis, it saves money. When you meal plan and shop with a list, you are less likely to buy extra stuff you do not need and end up throwing away.

Here are my steps for meal planning:

1. Friday or Saturday I look through my recipes and online for meals I want to cook that week. I also ask my husband for suggestions. I select 6-7, knowing I will pare them down in the next step.

2. Schedule which meals to make which days. I try to plan meals that are quick to prepare (pasta, fajitas, grilled fish) or can be prepped the night before (crockpot meals) for the weekdays. If I find a recipe that takes a little more prep time, I plan it for Sunday night. I also consider if either of us have evening activities or plan to work late. I definitely want easy meals on those days when only one of us has to cook and entertain our toddler. I think about which meals are more likely to have leftovers and space them out through the week. I also assume that Friday or Saturday will be leftovers or pizza/takeout nights. If there are leftover recipes, I save them until the next week.
When reviewing the menu, I try to ensure that we have a protein and several servings of vegetables at each meal. I also think about what vegetables are in season, to incorporate fresh choices as much as possible. This time of year, that is difficult, unless you love beets.
Also, take a look at what you have around the house. Try to incorporate some of what you already have on the shelves.

3. Once you have your menu, it is time to make grocery lists. I have magnetic notepads on the fridge, so if we are low on something mid-week, I can record it then. I typically make a list for the grocery store, farmers market and Costco. We go to Costco every other week to stock up on staples (milk, yogurt, pasta, frozen meat, Etc). Fresh produce I try to find at the farmers market and the grocery store for everything else. I have heard of people that make their list in order of the store layout, but use whatever works for you. There are also multiple apps, including one from Safeway that allows you to create a list on your mobile device.

4. When you go shopping, stick to your list. The extras are what cause us to waste money and extra food in the house creates temptations to snack more.

5. I use post it's on a calendar to map out my weekly menu and remind me what I need to prep each night. This is also handy because I cook a lot of the same meals each week (Eg. Pasta). I try to thaw chicken two days ahead of time, so I add that task to my to do list to prep for chicken nights. After we finish dinner each night, I look at the menu and decide what needs to be prepped. Usually it is chopping vegetables or getting the appliances out (crockpot, grill) for the next days meal.

For me, the extra planning gives me peace of mind when I am driving home each day.

Mom shortcuts - Dinner ideas

Dinner is one of the most stressful times for me. I come home after a long day of work and everyone is hungry, including me. Here are some tactics I use to ease the stress:

Meal planning- weekend planning is critical to help the week go smoothly. I will cover this more specifically later, but it entails planning potential meals, creating a shopping list, and shopping before the week and the pandemonium begins.

Crockpots - if you chop veggies and cook meat the night before, you can add it all to the crockpot in the morning and it is warm and simmering when you get home. One caveat is that too many soups and stews in a week can be repetitive for the family. am working on collecting some new recipes so that we do not get sick of vegetable stew.

Frozen veggies - I try to have veggies in every meal, but it is hard to find some seasonal vegetables all year round. Plus there is the extra prep with chopping. Frozen vegetables actually keep a lot of the healthy properties of fresh vegetables and are usually already prepped.

Lunches - I try to plan meals I can make in bulk so we have leftovers for lunch. Pasta and chili are on heavy rotation on my list.

Hand made Frozen meals - on weekends I am really prepared, I sometimes make double meals and freeze one for later. This does not happen ver often, so it is one of my resolutions to do more frequently. There are also businesses where you can pay to prep meals (Dream Dinners). It is nice to have all the ingredients organized and prepped for you and you can decide how much spice and salt you put in.

Healthy pre-dinner snacks- sometimes you just need to settle the troops while you put the finishing touches on a meal. If they can not wait, I try to appease them with healthy appetizers, like milk, yogurt or heated frozen peas.

Bottom line, the more thought and preparation on the weekend or night before helps to smooth the transition from work to dinner.

Green cleaning ideas

Having a young one around the house, I am more aware of the chemicals we have and use and have been looking for some alternatives.
I still like the properties of disinfectants, after handling meat and fish, but for everyday use, greener solutions should work just saw well, if not better than harsh chemicals.

There are many websites out there with green cleaning suggestions and DIY products. Here are some of my favorites.

Www.Marthastewart.com describes DIY cleaners made with the following ingredients.

Baking soda (aka sodium bicarbonate) A deodorizer and gentle scrub; softens hard water, removes acidic stains, and polishes shiny surfaces like stainless steel without scratching.

Distilled white vinegar A deodorizer, disinfectant, mild acid, and preservÂative; breaks up dirt, grease, mineral deposits, mold, and soap scum.

Essential oils Aromatic plant oils; some, including eucalyptus, lavender, and tea tree, are natural disinfecÂtants and antifungals. Pure essential oils can irritate eyes and skin upon contact, so handle carefully. Pregnant women should consult a health-care practitioner before using. Available from mountainroseherbs.com and natural foods stores.

Lemon A deodorizer, stain remover, and grease cutter; acts as a mild bleach when exposed to sunlight.

Olive oil A natural oil that helps to nourish and polish wood.

Plant-based liquid soap Gentle soap made with oils such as olive ("Castile soap"), palm, and coconut, rather than petroleum derivatives or animal fat. Available from natural foods stores and drbronner.com.

See the website for more details.


Blogger and Professional organizer Anna Moseley has lots of good ideas.
http://askannamoseley.com/2011/07/great-uses-for-baking-soda/

Live in the moment - Slow down and nap

Is there anything better than watching a baby sleep?
Cuddling with that baby while you sleep!

Sometimes I have been known to over schedule, not only myself, but my family. There are so many things I want to get done on the weekend and I want to take advantage of every story time and play group.
When things start to get too crazy, that's usually when my toddler reminds me it's nap time. And as most of you know, that is not a subtle nor quiet reminder. It usually starts with whining or crying and can end in a full out tantrum, if I do not heed the signs and help ease the transition to sleep.

The transition to nap can entail a car ride, after a morning at the zoo or park, or a (hopefully short) walk in the stroller. Last week, I ended up on a 3 mile loop around Lake Merritt because it took him half the trip to calm down enough to sleep.
Then there is the transition from car to bed. If it does not go smoothly, my new tactic is to lie down with him, until he falls back asleep.

During the week my son is in daycare full time. They have him on a strict schedule and he sleeps 2 hours consistently every afternoon. On the weekends, our routine is not as exact, because we are usually trying to fit in a fun regional activity. We schedule in time for nap, but with transit times, it is not always as successful.

Which is why I sometimes lay down with my son to get the nap started. And I found, that I was tired too and in need of some rest. I usually try to do errands around the house while he napped (laundry, bills, menu planning, etc), and not let myself rest. Now I have been letting myself fall asleep. And when I wake up, I am snuggled with a little warm bundle of sweetness.

We need naps too, sometimes. Not just when we are in that first 3-months post partum. And enjoy that moment of opening your eyes, well rested, and watching your baby sleep.

Live in the Moment - Birthdays

My son is turning 2!
And this year he understands that all the attention will be on him.

Meanwhile, I am trying to plan a party for 20 adults and several toddlers to celebrate.

How do I make sure that we both enjoy this moment, as he gets older?

1. Spend quality one on one time. I decided to come home early from work on my sons birthday to spend some time focused on him, without any distractions, like getting dinner ready.

2. I am planning group activities for his party to divert some of the attention from him (at least temporarily). Giving out goodie bags while your child is opening presents, helps distract the other kids temporarily and gives them something to play with, other than the new toys.

3. Take lots of pictures, to capture the moment for the future.

4. Birthdays are a reminder to me to go through his keepsake box and organize the last year's scraps and memories. I also make a photo book, with my favorite pictures from the last year.

5. Ask for help. Most of the guests are family, so they volunteered to help setup, with food and cleanup. When people are asked to help out, they are usually very willing, so do not be shy. You can not do it all by yourself and stay sane.

6. Quiet time - the day after the event I am trying not to schedule anything, so we can focus on cleaning up and taking time to enjoy the new friends (and toys) we have.

In the end, remember to be flexible and enjoy the moment. Even if no one breaks the piñata and you have to dump it out by hand (speaking from experience), they will still have fun.

Healthy Date ideas

I have heard that doing something challenging together, helps strengthen bonds with your spouse. Here are some fun "bonding" activities we have enjoyed.

1. Cooking class
Neither of us are gourmet cooks, but we love to eat. A cooking class was a fun way to learn something new. We were in a group class, so we got to interact with other people as well. We got to help out with preparing a meal and then ate it. Yum!

2. Dance class
I love to dance, so I was very excited when my husband agreed to take Tango lessons. We were not the most graceful on the dance floor, but we learned a few moves to try every once in awhile. Plus it is a good workout.

3. Hiking
Once we get into summer and it is light later, this can be a great early date event. You can hike after work, then go out to dinner (or pick up the little ones). Hiking or walking together gives you time to talk, without being distracted by anything but the view.

4. Rock climbing
Indoor rock gyms are fairly common now. They usually have a climbing area for beginners. We found a place that has auto-belays, so you do not need training to belay the other person. This is also a great pre-dinner workout.

5. Local theatre
No matter where you live, there is usually a local theatre or high school drama program nearby. It is not only fun to support local arts, there is plenty to talk about as you dissect the play afterwards.

First Haircut - Little Scissors

Just took my 2-year old for his first haircut to Little Scissors in the Fremont Hub. I was impressed.

First, they have little cars for the kids to sit in, instead of seats. That got my toddler interested. They also had a movie playing and some toys and books to play with while we waited.
They moved very quickly, which was good because he started to cry and did not want to sit very long.

The cost was about the same as an adult at Supercuts ($16), but it was worth it for the pleasant experience.

The only thing they could do better is provide ice cream. They did have stickers, though.