Women supporting Women

I am 8 months pregnant and starting to get nervous about the whole delivery process, even though this is my second time going through it. As I get closer to my due date, I remind myself that women have been doing this for thousands of years. 

Granted, it is a fundamentally natural process, but the system of delivery and expectations of maternity have changed drastically. 

Hundreds of years ago, pregnant women were attended to by midwives and supported by all the women in the community. You knew your children would be in good care with family or neighbors, without even asking. 

In our modern world, the process may be a lot safer (for both mother and baby), but it is very sterile. You may see the same doctor or midwife for check ups, but you never know who will be available at the hospital when you deliver. 

You can take prenatal classes, but it is probably the first time you have discussed this level of detail about birthing. You most likely have not witnessed another birth and may not even know your own birth story. All of the family and community knowledge is no longer passed down in the same way it used to be.  You usually only hear other peoples horror stories and advice about what hospital or procedures you should follow. 

Most of us live relatively far from our parents, based on careers and free spirit, so we may not even have family nearby that can attend and support the delivery and recovery. 

We may not know our neighbors or any key people in our community to rely on. The people we spend the most time with (coworkers) are not necessarily people I would call after hours. 

So what is a Modern Mom-to-be to do?

1.  First is to recognize the community and support structure you have built. Could be through church, neighbors, workout groups, prenatal class, etc. Keep your eyes open for people to add to your contact list.  There are usually parents groups in most communities and they often have a support network/program for new moms. 

2.  Do not be afraid to ask for help and definitely accept offers from others.  This is not the time to be proud or try to be super-everything. You need to take care of yourself and your baby and everyone can use help during this time.  Take others up on offers of meals or babysitting while you take a shower or go grocery shopping. 

3.  Help make your partner a part of the process. Be honest with them when you need help.  Talk about each other's feelings and how you can split tasks after the baby arrives. 

4.  Finally, make sure to pay it forward.  Now that you know how hard it is, offer assistance to others when you can. 

Continue to grow your community through new mom groups and play groups. It helps to talk to other parents that have gone through this before, or are experiencing it at the same time as you. 

In the end, we will survive, just as the mothers before us. Remember to enjoy the moments, even the hard ones, because before we know it, they will be grown up and having babies of their own.